Onwards, ever onwards 

Bits and pieces, always bits and pieces The vaguest taste here and there Never the whole real love to encompass me I grasp at straws, they turn to dust Left alone to feel alone The alcohol burns as it goes down A last reminder of a date some while ago, And another too, shorter time away Now it’s gone – the last drop drunk I move on; don’t care anymore They broke the bond, my focus restored to me Life goes on, always, indisputably so… A small hope lives on in my fantasy world Things are changing; new adventures await … Continue reading Onwards, ever onwards 

Renewed Patience

The solo status quo persists But my perspective altered No longer in agony but perplexed New men cross my path Enamored for a moment  Then instantly gone I don’t understand it But no longer saddened  If they leave they don’t deserve me I can’t control so no longer fret Instead curious to what tomorrow brings I look forward to small things like long ago For there are worse lives to lead Like if I was coupled incorrectly Or friendless and talentless Best to wait for my true gentleman To woo me spectacularly and unendingly To have me mind, body and … Continue reading Renewed Patience

Un-Disowned

Time to pay a joint bill I kept my distance in the meantime They chewed me anew once more How long till the next blow out? There is no more travel currently scheduled… But that changes in a heartbeat whence I decide According to them all my resources should be to find a husband They hatch pathetic plans… Fuuuuck… Leave me alone! Your aim is to perpetually stunt my development; to control me The cord is cut; can’t be reattached  My artistic pursuits and friends matter I still live nearby for now… You don’t seem to realize that when it’s … Continue reading Un-Disowned

Absentee Love

My pain is my muse Frequently called lovely or great by people Sigh… Doesn’t bring me love Someone will want me Someone will care when I’m not there Right? Each old message I scroll past is a lash against the heart They didn’t truly care nor want me What did I do to deserve this continued rejection?! I’ve been dangerously close to breaking Almost crumbled under the weight of utter despair  I’ve accepted it as given, a part of my being Too many years gone by now Thriving in every way but the one that really matters On good days … Continue reading Absentee Love

End of Summer

My hair grows longer and curlier The weather is shifting from unbearable heat  The first cool breezes reminiscent of early fall have begun How will the last remaining month of summer end? A lot has happened since spring arrived Three months ago I had no concept on how to be an exhibiting artist I enrolled in this photo class I blindly invited people to a class’ end showcase without having any idea I stressed and agonized for weeks I finally traveled solo and got great shots Time still raced to fight to prepare successfully, and I have It’s late but … Continue reading End of Summer

Sea Comfort

Silent observer on my travels  People engaged and rejoicing  Elevated energy of delight enveloping I feel the gentle sea breeze  Refreshing from the hot summer sun The sound of seagull familiar No cars here like home, but same The smell of the ocean acute Reminds me of youth Growing up on Staten Island Mere blocks from the shore You never forget the smells of your past  Nostalgia, life’s best medicine Continue reading Sea Comfort

Passing Time

I will forget this house when I leave it I will forget this job when I leave it I will forget this life when I leave it I will forget these people when I leave them All to become distant memories And turn to a dreamlike consistency  Did they even happen? Days ago feel like weeks Weeks ago feel like months Months ago feel like years A year feels like many And years feel like light years Remembrances of past events They feel weird and unknown Like an outer body experience I lived it but I don’t believe it Continue reading Passing Time

Making Friends

At the end of the day I can only count on myself Friendships don’t last People move, switch jobs, get married, what have you Or just plain choose to cut me out I’m not exactly sad at this premise anymore I’ve had lots of time to get used to it And those that are active friends Are not going to prioritize me 24-7 I’m better equipped to be alone now I suppose I’m resigned to it I will never understand though  Why I couldn’t make a real friend thru online dating I did make an online friend thru this blog … Continue reading Making Friends

Morose

I’m not exactly depressed, But I must be speared at the cusp I do cry regularly these days I suppose it’s a general melancholy I’ve made peace with the past; I know it’s over  Nothing grabs my attention these days Things don’t excite me like they should I do enjoy interacting with certain people But then it’s over And I’m back to my own devices and thoughts This morose phase has become my norm Nothing truly distracts I seek a love, a purpose, something! I feel I am stuck in a transitional phase I know it’s necessary, but it’s now … Continue reading Morose