Muted Sadness

So close to feeling nothing
Like a disconnected emotion
Acute detachment
Almost a hate, a scorn of others
Fully receded into my shell
I don’t want nor need anybody
Time has severed close connections
To the point where I resent seeing them
I go through the motions
Sitting at a table, eating and drinking
Laughing at appropriate junctures
But I don’t want to be there
Our lives no longer really intersect
I have nothing to contribute 
You all are married or getting married
Getting new jobs and promotions
Yes, I can talk about my artistic pursuits
But I don’t want to
My photo classes have now ended 
I haven’t painted in months
My blog is a secret to most I know
My acting is still new to advertise 
So I talk of my pending travel
That is new and fresh
In two days I depart for Greece
The motherland I once visited at 8 years of age 
Even still, what can I say?
I’m going with the parents for two weeks, that is all
How many more times will I see you friends again?
Will I be happier the next time?
Genuinely be joyful, gleeful, delighted to see you?
For now I trudge under a cloak of muted sadness 
Unrealized to potentially all

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