Absentee Love

My pain is my muse
Frequently called lovely or great by people
Doesn’t bring me love
Someone will want me
Someone will care when I’m not there
Each old message I scroll past is a lash against the heart
They didn’t truly care nor want me
What did I do to deserve this continued rejection?!
I’ve been dangerously close to breaking
Almost crumbled under the weight of utter despair 
I’ve accepted it as given, a part of my being
Too many years gone by now
Thriving in every way but the one that really matters
On good days I’m happy for hours with company
Then alone, left to dwell with my treacherous thoughts
Instantly undoing blessed comfort bestowed
This is my life: a cesspool of agonizing emotion…
And it hinges on an eternal wait
To find the man who will woo me
To make me feel finally cherished
Does he even exist?


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