Defeated

Hot lazy day, lethargic
In bed all day, finally up in cooler evening
Sadness envelops
Alone without means, not even a fuck buddy
I did meet a new man
We’ve become pretty good friends
And he does care for me
He too feels the lament of loneliness
BUT…I’m not his type
What a pity!
Yet another disappointment
At least he talks to me I suppose;
The others don’t 
The year progresses, but no romantic change
You’d think if you met another lonely individual
And got along swimmingly
That would be the solution
I’ve seen twice that it’s not
My intuition is firmly shut down now
Just as well
It absurdly thought someone from the past would return
Of course he did not
Didn’t even speak when I reached out
I got nothing in any direction
Can’t foresee anything anymore
It’s a blockade of nothingness
Life does go on of course
But how much longer do I have to wait?
I am just defeated without hope…

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